Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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