It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
