his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
