Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
