your parents love me but you hate me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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