Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
