I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
