i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
