Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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