when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
