just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
