youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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