"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
