her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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