the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
