Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
