I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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