Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
