the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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