Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
