Screwed.edu
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
