apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My penis needs a shock collar
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
