Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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