im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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