I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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