my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
