I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
