and you said cock pushups were impossible
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
