oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
