it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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