the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
