We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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