How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
