Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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