Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
