3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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