It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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