oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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