im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
