I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
