you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
