i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
