Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
