Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
