The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just google imaged poop.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
