I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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