guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
