Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
