dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
