Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
