Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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