I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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