Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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