Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
