I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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